Grand Rapids....come for the churches, stay for the Nascar and Deer Hunting.
Friday, December 30, 2005
others not have way
I remember waiting tables at a Mexican joint called La Pinata. This was maybe 22 years ago. One day, this group of about 8 japanese business men came in for lunch. They spoke very little english. Just enough to get by. Someone back home had obviously told them to be sure and pronounce the letter "L" and to try real hard not to have it sound like an "R", because they were rearry rearry trying hard to do that.
Seriously, I think it took that table a good 15 minutes to spit out "Chili Rellenos" and "Quesidillas". And they made sure to pronounce every L. Hell, when there's two "L"s they must really need to be pronounced properly right?
For a brief moment, I was tempted to explain to them that they had it right for Chili but the Relleno was actually supposed to have a "Y" sound, and same with Quesidilla. I didn't of course. It didn't seem fair.
THIS SITE explores what happens when foreign businesses make signs and tshirts and marketing materials without rearry knowing what they're saying.
You don't poke the mask of the old lone ranger and you don't mess around with Vin.
A friend of mine sent me this little ditty. That Vin Diesel is one bad mutha. I've read it 5 or 6 times and I'm still crackin up.
***** If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives." When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live. There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. #### you, team. When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself. When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with. Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the #### down. Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors. When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead. Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill. Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas. Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's ####. You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children. Vin Diesel can divide by zero. In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him. Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear. If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response. On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while ####### another. Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face. Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for #######!" at the Acrtic researchers. Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital. When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. Whenever Vin Diesel puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him. *********
Second...Since I got home from my cruise last night at 12:06, technically, it was christmas. So I opened my secret santa gift.
Major props to Alpharat. I love MC5. I love Detroit. I love Rock-n-Roll! I'm in Grand Rapids now but grew up in Ann Arbor so Detroit is no stranger to me and you're right...Detroit IS Rock-n-Roll. My turntable bit the dust a little while back, but my sweetie and I play cards with another Detroit transplant every week who's got a system that rocks....I plan on bringing my own tunes over there the next time we get together. What a really really excellent gift. Thanks for putting so much thought into it. Do you like the Detroit Cobras?
Merry Christmas to you all. After being gone for a over a week, I don't know how I'll catch up on all the blogs, but I shall do my best.
Name: Jonathan Home: Grand Rapids, Michigan, United States About Me: Just a guy who trying to eek out a living as a graphic designer in SW Michigan. See my complete profile
Name: Jonathan
