Grand Rapids....come for the churches, stay for the Nascar and Deer Hunting.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
STILL WONDERING
We had a discussion this year about Christmas. About how much we spend on each other and how much we wanted to spend this year and so on and so forth. We decided to cut the amount that we spend on each other in half this year and take that money and spend it on gifts for a needy family. Through a social worker we know we were put in touch with the person who would be facilitating this. Our family was a single mother and her 6 year old daughter. When you talk to the case worker, they ask you how much you are planning on spending. We told her and she suggested a two person family.
Then we received a list of things that the mother had suggested as gift ideas.
The list was certainly reasonable. Almost spartan. Both mom and daughter liked books. Warm clothes and shoes were on the list. Flash cards and educational materials for the daughter were on the list. Pajamas were on the list. Baby doll. Candle. Blue Jeans. Sweater. A datebook.
There is no indication as to color preference for clothes or anything like that. You get sizes and thats it. Also suggested by the agency were things that are not gifts, but are also not covered by food stamps. Household cleaning supplies. Toilet Paper. Soap. Etc.
So we shopped. We went to a department store and scored huge on their 50% off sale, then we went to Meijer and got more stuff, but the money we had earmarked went too quickly and we decided to increase our amount and buy some more stuff. So we did. The only time we wished we knew what race the people were was when we were buying the doll. I don't know why but this seemed important to me. Do black girls like white dolls? Do white girls like black dolls? Do they care? Am I obsessing on this one issue? We got a white doll. Turns out we would have been wrong with black or with white.
When we got home from shopping the phone was ringing. It was my parents. Briefly, you should know that for years now, Christmas has not been about gifts in my family. All the adults have a cap of $15.00 and we do the whole "white elephant" thing. Except it's not really a white elephant thing because the gifts are all pretty cool and well thought out. Anyway, I had mentioned to my parents that we had just returned from shopping for this family. They thought this sounded great and asked if they could send us a check to help out. I said sure, and a few days later a check arrived in the mail. At the same time, Cheryl's parents also decided that they would like to contribute as well.
So we went shopping again. After all was said and done, I think we got everything on the list plus a gas card. The only thing that was left was to drop the gifts off.
The drive out to their house was interesting. We didn't really know what to expect. Would they be nice? Would they be rude? What would the house be like?
The social worker had somehow screwed up and gave us the wrong time to show up. When we arrived at 6:45 p.m., the mother was sleeping because she works 3rd shift somewhere. I asked if we could drop the gifts off and the woman who answered the door insisted that she go wake the mom up because she was sure that she would want to thank us. I protested, but it was clear that she would be awakened.
A very young woman came to greet us as we were unloading our bags. Even though she was obviously very sleepy she was clearly surprised and happy and gave us both a big hug and thanks before we left.
As we were driving home and talking, I realized that I had a burning desire to know more about the family, the household, the other people. Who owned the cars in the driveway? How many people lived in the house? Would the gifts go to good use. Would they go to the people we had shopped for? What did the little girl look like? And so on. I realized several things simultaneously on that drive home. One: I would probably never have any contact with these people, Two: what the girl looked like and who the other people in the house were and all those other things were none of my business and Three: it's really about the act of giving.
I read this out loud to the fam, and bawled through it.
oh my gaaaaaa what a kind loving thing to do, yep that IS what it's all about. Doing nice things for other people, making their lives easier, more pleasant, giving them something special that they wouldn't be able to give to themselves, or their little one(s). And you did that, and you went out of your way to do that, and you were thoughtful too.
I know people who puff themselves up to give, break their own arms patting themselves on the back to give, and they do it cheaply, with this thought in their minds..."They should be grateful for whatever I choose to give them, after all I am being charitable, I am giving to those less fortunate.” Which translates to them as, those who are too lazy to make it in this world by their own merit.
See, yeah there are people out there who give but they give as a means to an end, with the end being a feeling of superiority for them, not as a human way to generate love, caring and benefit humanity.
I guess just so’es there is giving that it shouldn’t matter in what manner the giving takes place, or the end result, but there is a huge difference in the quality of the gifts, that’s for sure.
What I’m trying to say here is you, you and Zilla and other generous loving people like you, you guys do it the right way, for all the right reasons, and I can’t help but acknowledge and love you guys for that.
Name: Jonathan Home: Grand Rapids, Michigan, United States About Me: Just a guy who trying to eek out a living as a graphic designer in SW Michigan. See my complete profile
Name: Jonathan
I'd be wondering, too.
Wow, all of that time and energy, and I love how your folks were inspired to add to the giving.
Good on ya, and Merry Christmas!