Grand Rapids....come for the churches, stay for the Nascar and Deer Hunting.
Friday, October 07, 2005
I lied
A long time ago I said I would never post anything about politics on this blog.
I lied.
Here's the story.
the other night I was shooting pool with a buddy and he was talking to this bartender. she was showing him pictures of her son on her cellphone. she scrolled past this one picture of a pregnant woman lying on the floor...I don't remember if it's her sister or friend or what.
I said to the bartender...thats a pretty cool picture...email it to me.
My buddy said, what do you want that pic for? and I said...who knows...it might be cool for graphic design...like a magazine cover or something. He said...yeah...right. I said...you'll see.
For those of you on dial-up, ignore this post. Sorry, but ya gotta pump up the bandwidth a wee bit. Is li dat. DSL mo betta den da dialup.
I've always liked seeing blogs that have a song of the day, or some album art that shows what people are listening too.
I found an album recently on the web and downloaded it.
It's called: Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka: Various Artists: Porn Music for the Masses Volume 1.
Were it up to me, I would add the subtitle: Music to either doink or clean house to if you've got a sense of humor and have had enough wine.
Here's what their website says about Wakka Chikka (god, I just love saying that)...
"Even if you have never seen a porn movie in your lifetime, almost everyone in the world knows what the 'Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka' represents... Each person, upon hearing it, mentally interprets the 'Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka' in their own way, fueling a range of emotions from lust to disgust. This CD represents 17 individual artists' interpretations of the 'Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka'; each providing their own unique cultural and geographic spin on the vibe that is "Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka'. From celebrations of the beauty of intimacy to a cautionary tale of excess, this collection of sound sculptures of the 'Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka' mystique from around the world will guide you into the heart of all that is 'Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka'.
So turn the lights down low, light a few candles, put this CD on the stereo and let the magic of the 'Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka' take you wherever you want to go."
Those of you who know me know that my musical tastes vary. Of course, I always find myself listening to Steely Dan at some point during the week, but when the Dan is not on, anything goes.
Listen to a tune or two, or download the whole disc. It's free and legal and ya just can't say that about too many things.
I would recommend "THE LOVE GOD" by martini bomb and "THE PORN KING" by the funky filter.
"Give me anal pleasure please" isn't really that great a song...and I must admit my expectations weren't that high to begin with. I would rank that song title just above the sentence "Karl Rove is my friend" on the list of things you'll hear me say.
My fiancee and I went out to dinner the other night at this place in downtown Grand Rapids. It's a pretty popular place that serves TAPAS, which is spanish for tiny bite sized morsels that cost an arm and a leg. At least with chinese food, there is the illusion that you are full... for 20 or 30 minutes after you eat. With TAPAS, you get a bite, maybe two, but then the plate is gone and you have to order another one. All the dishes have incredibly long names that require rolling your r's (think rrrrruffles have rrrridges) when you order. They are all very pretty too. They're just small.
I won't say the name of the place but it ryhmes with Dan Fez.
One of the cool things about this restaurant, which made it easy to overlook the fact that I wouldn't be leaving stuffed, is the ambience. It's got this groovy mediterranean decor, and there's a hustle and bustle about it that is kinda contagious. You feel like you're in the center of a big open-air market...the smell of spices and all the sounds and color.
Oh wait....
That's what everyone else was feeling. You see...I was at the table that was upstairs, across the floor, and tucked behind a weird little portion of wall so that you're basically invisible to the restaurant, and vice versa. Now...mind you, I didn't really want to sit there, but my fiancee was starving, and being one who is susceptible to low blood sugar attacks, I knew she needed some chow and fast. So we sat. Besides...I told myself...it's the person who's across the table from you thats important...not the stupid ass ambience. When you say ambience with stupid ass in front of it, you have to say ham-bee-ince and you have to say it slowly.
So there we were, having wonderful conversation at our little table tucked in the out of the way spot. Then, THEY came. Apparently, the really cool hanging tapestries that I thought were tastefully hiding a side station or some unfinished portion of the restaurant were actually hiding tables for a party, of about 60 people. An engagement party. Since I myself am engaged, I can understand the joy that these 2 families were experiencing. Even if there were a few too many young hipsters in ripped jeans and designer shirts with too much hair gel thinking that they looked cool when if fact, they looked like idiots with too much money who didn't know where to shop, but I digress. They were all happy and having fun and that was a good thing. Until the bulk of the party started to arrive.
In order to get to the room where this fantastic party was, you had to walk upstairs, across the floor and go around this weird little portion of wall. If you glanced to your left as you did this you would have seen me and my fiancee trying to eat our fucking dinner and chat above the ever increasing din of the groovin hipster engagement party.
And...the mom of the bride to be had decided that she needed to stand right at the curtain opening, 6 feet from our table, and greet everyone who was coming in. Meet the ones she didn't know...shine shine shine...bask in the glory of her daughters occasion ....chat chat chat....in other words...bring the movement of the line of people trying to get in the room to a stand still.
What do you do when you're standing in a line and someone 1 foot away from you is trying to eat their dinner. Do you stand there and stare at their food? Turn around? I think I would turn around. That is what the elderly couple who got stalled in front of our table did. Nice of them...shitty for me...now I'm looking at Aunt Bee's balloon butt and Uncle Ernies skinny ass in 90 year polyester that does not disguise the outline of depends underneath.
Check Please.
Seriously...I asked for the bill and we went to the bar to finish our cocktails.
Now here's the thing...there's some nights where that wouldn't even faze me, and then there's other times where it really burns me to go drop 80 bucks on a bunch of artistically arranged squid rings, only to eat them staring at Mr Oops I Crapped My Pants' ass one foot away. My better half was not nearly as irked as I was, but hey...it had been a long week...the timing was right for a micro-rant.
The waitress brought the bill and kindly informed me that she thought that they just wouldn't seat that table anymore. Hey...Great! Thanks for charging me the 80 bucks and informing me that, due to MY misfortune, you won't be screwing anyone else.
I told the waitress that perhaps even WE should not have been seated there. She offered me dessert.
"Let him eat cake" they said!
I'm sitting at the bar, with a Ketel One on the rocks in front of me, and they offered me cake.
Christ.
This world is going to hell in a handbasket. Really.
Cake.
Fuck.
At least the bill came with one of those little comment cards to fill out.
Name: Jonathan Home: Grand Rapids, Michigan, United States About Me: Just a guy who trying to eek out a living as a graphic designer in SW Michigan. See my complete profile
Name: Jonathan
