Grand Rapids....come for the churches, stay for the Nascar and Deer Hunting.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
The rope, the stopsign, the telephone pole and Keith W`.
When I was a little kid we used to play football in Danny G's yard. My backyard was bigger but Danny's dad had Playboys to look at, and his mom worked late into the afternoon. The rest of us had moms who stayed at home and protected us from the evils of loose 5th grade women and the like. We didn't have a lot of loose 5th grade women, and we wouldn't really have known what to do with them, but a mom can sniff even the potential of looseness in a young girl. "i don't like that girls attitude" was a loose translation for "she's budding early and WHEW!...did you get a whiff of those pheremones?" So...instead of hanging out with 5th grade girls of ill repute, we played football and looked at playboys. When Danny's mom would come home, she would walk right past us all, gathered on the couch, and she would smile. I think she liked the fact that a half dozen boys were sitting on her couch trying to pretend that the playboy wasn't a big deal.
One boy that was never involved in our football games was Keith W. Keith lived a few blocks away, so he was kinda outta the loop as far as friends on the block went. Plus, Keith was kinda weird. Plus...keith cried a lot. We all cried, but not as much as Keith. Keith's crying was also accompanied by a breakneck run to his mother who would then scold us and not allow Keith to come back outside. Inevitably, phone calls would make their way into our homes, to be answered by our mothers, and the game would be over.
We were in the middle of a game of 3-on-3 football and we had a spare football lying in the corner of the yard. In the middle of a play, we all stopped to see Keith W. standing at the curb tossing the extra ball up and down. We figured if we ignored him, he would leave, we wouldn't have to invite him to play, he wouldn't cry, and it would be a good day.
Instead, Keith looked at us, flipped us the bird, and took off down the street with the ball.
We had to stop him because...well...just because.
So we hopped on our bikes and put up chase.
It didn't take very long to catch up with him and as we got just behind we all hopped off our bikes and continued the chase on foot. We knew we were going to have to tackle him, and to do so while going top speed on a banana seat bike with high handle bars is not the best idea.
Just as Keith had crossed the intersection of Red Oak and Bending Rd, he looked back to see where we were. Bad move. Up to that point, he actually had been getting away. He was a fast little football thief.
Now here is what happened next, and it is what has made me remember this story for so long.
Someone, and it wasn't one of us, had tied a rope from a stop sign to a telephone pole, crossing the sidewalk.
The height of the rope was the same as the height of Keith's neck.
We all saw it, and we all saw what was going to happen. So we stopped on the corner of Red Oak and Bending and watched Keith run full tilt into that rope. The rope hit his neck, essentially stopping all forward progress of his head. the rest of his body was still going though. Keith's feet continued forward, and then started to rise, since the rope was hooked under his chin. When his feet reached the height of his head, making him essentially parallel to the ground, he then dropped quickly to the ground, since his chin was no longer acting as a hook for the rope. His drop to the ground was cushioned by the sidewalk. Not good.
We got our football back and left Keith there on the sidewalk.
He went home and told his mom about our "trap" that had left him with a red rope burn across his neck and what would be a hilariously froggy voice for about a week.
I've often wondered how the rope got there, and why was it even there in the first place. Why did keith, who needed a lifeline at that point, get a noose instead? And whatever happened to that 5th grade girl, Leigh, who lived not too far from there.
Name: Jonathan Home: Grand Rapids, Michigan, United States About Me: Just a guy who trying to eek out a living as a graphic designer in SW Michigan. See my complete profile
Name: Jonathan
So what happened? Did the moms believe the theiving little Mr. Whinypants crybaby? Did you all end up grounded for life?
Good story!
Where the hell have you been?